Angry at Change,
Process, others? Part 4
Wednesday, October 24,
2018
Everyone should be
quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
because human anger
does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19-20
Why do
we hang on to anger? There are three main reasons. 1)
to protect ourselves from
additional pain. We choose to be angry because it is easier to control than
pain and disappointment. What we tell others by our anger is that we are hurt
too much to care about you. We are expending all our energy on our self and
there is nothing left to protect others from our failure to love them.
2)
Deflection When we have done wrong we become angry. Instead of accepting the
responsibility for our actions, we get angry. We use our anger as a weapon
against those who expose and shame us. We try to turn the tables on them to get
the attention off ourselves.
3)
Distancing. Anger can also be an attempt to make sure that others don’t get
close enough to discover our weakness. We keep others away from us.
If we
are angry towards others it is because we feel we have been threatened, hurt,
belittled, shames or controlled. Anger directed toward ourselves will fuel
suicidal behaviour that strips vitality from life. Both lead to devastation.
But
what do we do with our anger? 1) Repression. Many people repress their anger
because it is a frightening emotion and we want to avoid it. This often leads
to depression because it is easier to shut down and no longer engage with their
world because they have discovered that all their efforts to make life work on
their terms have failed. Some people
also pretend that all is well but reality is that they feel nothing at
all- no pain or joy.
2) Shallow confession. This is often recognized as
mishandling anger and being quick to confess that you were angry and it is
wrong. Yet it is important to explore our anger and expose its roots.
3) Outbursts of anger. We all need to express our feelings
but it must be done with the discernment and regard for others.
REFLECTION
Are you feeling angry right now? What has caused this
feeling to emerge? Was it something you did or did someone hurt or offend,
physically harm you or upset you so much that you are searching for words of
anger? What do you normally do with this anger? Repress it, deflect it or
dismiss it? Which is the best way to handle this anger for you? We are called
to control our anger. This does not say not to get angry but to control it so
that there is not a volcanic eruption, tucking it away forever or even half
confessing something that is normal. Anger is an emotion we experience—we need
to deal with it and why it emerges in us.
PRAYER
God of love, you know what it is like to become angry. How
often you must feel this when people who have loved you their whole lives turn
away from you or hurt you through their actions and words rather than sharing
of themselves in love. As you get angry too, we need to know how we might
control the anger but not throw it out. Help us to face these angry filled
fears. We ask this as we know that you will continue to love us through all of
it. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.
RESOURCE “When Anger
Burns: A Biblical View on Handling Anger” by Tim Jackson. Grand Rapids, MI: Our
Daily Bread Ministries. (p.23-27) We
will conclude this series on anger next week!