It has been said that most people receive more instruction for driving a car than for becoming a parent.

Hurting, Healing and Hope

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

                It has been said that most people receive more instruction

for driving a car than for becoming a parent.  If you were to think back to when you were young, did your parents always do the right thing from your point of view? When you misbehaved was the punishment you received fair, adequate or over the top?

                We know through child development studies that certain attributes or abilities are reached at certain age levels of maturity as a child grows up. However parents who do not understand normal child development often hurt their children unintentionally. This contributes to unnecessary and undeserved shame in the child.  There are different kinds of shame and as a child grows up, if parents are not willing to teach their children with patience, persistence and instruction, these children will suffer long-term effects of trying to be perfect. Parents who are unavailable to their children, or parents with their own personal problems will lead to their children’s own hurts and poor priorities.

                Problems lie because parents often forget that from the moment their children are born these little ones depend upon their adult parents to discover the world into which they have been born. But the business of providing for the needs of children and the family as a whole sometimes overshadows the nurturing that is required.

                In hurtful families, normal childhood behaviour brings out responses from parents with unrealistic expectations and perfectionistic demands. These hurtful words often have longer lasting effects than the actual action that occurred. What kinds of words do you remember from your childhood? What have you said to your children?  Were your parents available to you? Are you fully available to your children?

                How have you grown from being hurt, to hurting and then not hurting others? Do you need help in this? Start by taking these hurts to God in prayer. Most parents love their children and do the best they know how to do. But sometimes and in some circumstances there is no rationale or understanding of what is best for a child. This is when hurt enters in this relationship.

                But God calls us to know that his love is everlasting and that we are not alone in any situation. We just need to face the hurts, express these hurts to God and we will be heard in a new way.

                God is our heavenly Father our creative Mother and wants the best for us, how might you tell God your hurts of the past, and your hurting today?

Question for Reflection:

Consider your own childhood. How did your parents share and show their love?

If you have children, how do you show your love? Do they know this is love in action?

Prayer: God help us to remember that parents are not perfect and that they like other people do hurt unintentionally. Remind me that as I seek truth about your love for me, that you would enable me to love others as you do- unconditionally. Hear my prayer. O God. Amen.

Resource:  Dr. Sandra D Wilson, Hurt People Hurt People, Discovery House Publishers, 2001. Ch.3